Three Times Steph Cried and One Time Jason Did
by OctaviaWithStarsForEyes
Summary: Let me ask you this, Jason," she whispered. "Do you love me more than you hate yourself?" "What?" "Because I don't want you to take any bullets, Jason, but you seem all too eager to!" Steph cried. "And that's not self-sacrifice, that's self-destruction! I'm asking if you know the difference." / JaySteph / Strong TW inside, please read before continuing


**Hi and welcome to a very twisted story that is definitely not for the faint of heart. Trigger warnings for self-loathing, extreme language, graphic violence, implications of rape, and mentions of panic attacks.**

 **Here's the sitch. Jason and Stephanie are in an established relationship already, and are partners as Red Hood and Spoiler. They might seem a tad OOC, but keep in mind, I'm putting them in extreme situations to live up to the title. Enjoy some traumatized!Steph and soft!Jason and drop a review if you liked it!**

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Steph turned around too late, just in time to see a bullet on a path to crash into her shoulder.

She braced herself for impact, feeling her heart pounding in her head.

Just in time, a large shape jumped in front of it, catching it in the softest part of his side.

 _Jason_.

She stepped over his slumped form and knocked out the shooter with a brutal stroke to his temple that would probably leave him with a concussion.

As soon as Steph saw his eyes roll back, she turned back to her stupid reckless boyfriend, her heart in her throat.

"You okay?" She asked sharply, shaking him frantically.

"Peachy," he grinned up at her, his aquamarine eyes woozy.

A relieved sigh escaped her, and then her expression hardened into anger. "We'll talk about this when we get home."

—

"God-fucking-damnit Jason," Steph snapped, lugging his body off the fire escape and into her living room. "Why the hell did you jump in front of that?"

"Love ya too, Blondie," he snickered, before coughing. A trickle of blood escaped his mouth and ran down his chin.

"I don't want to hear it, Jason," she growled, heaving him onto the couch and settling him none too gently.

"Ah, careful," he ground out painfully. His hand went to his midsection, which was soaked in blood.

Steph bared her teeth at him and began cutting his shirt away.

"I don't think now's really the time to be getting it on, sweetheart," he slurred, grinning at her and pushing her hands away. "Always trying to get me naked."

"Stop it! Do you think this is funny?" She snapped, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Alright, alright. No need to get snippy," he chuckled a little. "It hasn't hit anything vital. Just get the bullet out and sew it up. Hell, I'll do it if you're chicken."

"Just shut up, Jason!" Steph snarled, tears dripping down her cheeks.

She grabbed a pair of tweezers and dug around at his wound with no gentle hand. The muscles in his torso tensed and his hand flew up to lock in an iron grip around her wrist.

"Ah, ah, fucking-, son of bitch!" Jason spat from behind clenched teeth. He recovered with a strained smile and forced a laugh. "Easy there, babe. I did actually get shot, y'know."

She didn't reply as she reclaimed her hand from his grip and removed the bullet with old practice. Tossing it to the side, she poured alcohol in the wound, ignoring his drawn out hiss, and then began wrapping it up. Her movements were jerky and lined with fury as she worked.

"Alright, I'll bite. What's wrong with you?" He asked, grunting as she tied off the gauze too tight. His fingers worked underneath to loosen it.

"What's wrong with me? _What wrong with me?_ " She echoed, hands shaking. "What's wrong with _you_? Why the hell would you jump in front of that bullet?"

"Why?" Jason repeated, brows lowering over his eyes as he sat up. "Because if I didn't, it would have hit you! And I'm not letting my girlfriend get shot! I can't watch that happen!"

"Yeah, well I just watched my boyfriend get shot," Steph told him angrily. "Did ya think that would feel good?"

"Look, I was just trying to save you some pain, alright?" Jason replied, annoyed. "I didn't know what else to do!"

"Push me out of the way?" Steph offered in a razor-sharp voice. "Trust me to be able to dodge my own bullets? God, this is why I didn't think we should become partners!"

"Well I'm sorry if I don't want to see you dying!" Jason snapped.

"Is that the motivation, Jason?" She shouted, standing up. "Because this is the third time in the past four months!"

"That's not-!"

"No, no, listen! That time with Bane on the rooftop? And the thug from Bludhaven? And now this?" Steph counted off on her fingers. "And every time, I have to drag your bleeding ass back to the apartment!"

"See, that just sounds ungrateful to me, Steph," Jason scowled. "Sorry if I bleed when I get shot!"

"Stop this, Jay! You have to stop doing this," she said, and a fresh wave of frustrated tears sprang into her sky blue eyes. "I don't think I can keep going like this! Every time you get shot, I can't breathe, Jason! Stop thinking about yourself, okay? Because watching you get shot is more painful than you can imagine!"

"I think I can imagine, Stephanie," Jason growled, his voice scraping and tense. "There's a reason I take them instead you letting you take them."

There was a silence as the two stared each other down. Steph bit down on the inside of her cheek and stared at him.

"Do you really love me, Jason?" Steph asked quietly, tilting her head.

"How can you ask that?" He demanded sharply, laughing mirthlessly in disbelief. "I literally just took a bullet for you!"

"For me, or for the bullet?" She shot back, voice ringing through the room.

There was a pregnant pause, and neither spoke.

"The hell is that supposed to mean," he finally asked lowly.

"Let me ask you this, Jason," she whispered, eyes brimming with tears. "Do you love me more than you hate yourself?"

All the blood drained out of his face. "What?"

"Because I don't want you to take any bullets, Jason, but you seem all too eager to!" She cried. "And that's not self-sacrifice, that's self-destruction! I'm asking if you know the difference."

His mouth opened slightly, and then it shut. He swallowed and gestured helplessly.

"That's what I thought," she nodded through the tears rolling slowly down her flushed cheeks. "That's exactly what I thought."

"That's not fair," Jason rasped. "I just don't want to lose you. Like I've lost every other _fucking_ person in my life. Is that so bad?"

His voice sounded so pained and his aquamarine eyes seemed to shatter like glass.

"I know why you do it, Jason, but I really can't keep doing this, alright?" Steph said, rubbing her face. "I can't."

"A-Are you breaking up with me?" He asked, his voice guarded. His face was a mask of iron but his shaking hands balled into fist betrayed his true emotions.

Steph pressed her lips together, not looking up at him. "No. Yes. Maybe- I just, I think maybe we could use a break-,"

"Steph. Stephanie, please," Jason said, eyes wide. He reached over and took her hands in his. "I promise, I promise to be better, okay? Please don't go, please don't."

"Jason-," her words stopped, and a choked sob escaped her. She pressed her hands over her mouth and trapped down any noise trying to claw its way out of her throat.

"Easy, easy, Steph," Jason said, drawing her close. He rubbed her back and smoothed down her sunshine locks, murmuring soft niceties as she cried. "I promise to be better alright? Don't cry, now. Don't cry."

Steph didn't know what to do. She was falling apart under all this. Jason, he was so intoxicating when she was with him, so deliciously perfect. But watching him throw himself in front of every proverbial train coming down the tracks was killing her on the inside.

His lips met her forehead, and she relaxed, closing her eyes and giving herself over fully to his warmth and gentle touch.

"Promise to be more careful," she said, her voice muffled.

"I promise, alright Blondie?" He said, his voice rumbling through his chest. "I promise."

He rested his chin in her head and they stayed there, just sitting there and listening to one another's breathing.

.

.

.

"You!" The words ripped from Steph before she could stop them.

Black Mask gave a disarming grin and took a little bow.

"Batgirl. I'd recognize that body anywhere," he drawled, eyes raking down her form. "How have you been? It's been too long, really."

She snarled, lips pulling back over her teeth. "Not _fucking_ long enough, Sionis."

Steph charged, a wordless battle cry leaving her lips. Amusement danced through his eyes, and he pulled a hand gun out from the inside of his coat.

She dodged the shots with ease, and raised her staff in the air, planning to bring it crashing down on his skull.

Unfortunately, a crushing blow to her unprotected ribs sent her falling hard to the side before she could. _Damnit all!_

A massive gorilla of a man armed with a club stood menacingly above her, and she rolled just in time to avoid the next blow.

Her aching ribs protested violently against the movement, and she hissed through her teeth as she leapt to her feet. The gorilla really packed a punch.

Luckily for Steph, her lovely partner dropped into the fight, a cocky grin turning up his features.

"Need some assistance?" Jason asked smugly.

"Oh just shoot him already," Steph rolled her eyes. A hardened look came over her features, turning them to stone. "I'm going after Sionis."

She left the two men to their own devices, trusting that Jason could handle the low-level thug. She rapidly whipped out two bat-arangs to deter another goon from standing in her way and bolted after Sionis, who was hurrying towards a car.

If he got inside that thing, he was as good as gone.

"You're not getting away from me that easily," Steph growled under her breath, chucking another pair of bat-arangs at the tires. They beeped alarmingly and then detonated, blowing the tires apart.

Sionis could be heard cursing furiously even from this point, and she grinned wolfishly, savoring the victory.

She vaulted over a dumpster to land on the sidewalk where Sionis was standing, surrounded by cronies.

"Let's dance, Mask," she snarled, eyes flashing.

This was the man who had almost killed her trying to extract information. The man that had broken every single one of her fingers and put out his loathsome cigars all along the curve of her spine and the inside of her thighs, leaving puckered burn marks. The man who had stroked his disgusting gloved hands down every inch of her skin and left her bleeding in the dark for days on end with no food or water.

She could still feel the sweet kiss of his razor sharp blade slicing cleanly down her sides, causing a delayed scream once crimson beads welled up at the cut. She could still hear his heavy breath as he petted her blonde hair and ran the tips of his fingers along her jugular, teasing her until she trembled with fear. Or alternatively, when he had simply beaten her savagely until she blacked out, only awakening when she choked on her own blood.

Yes, Stephanie recalled every single day of being imprisoned by him, and she wanted him to _pay_.

She was a whirlwind of action, blocking punches aimed at her and cracking down on the goons mercilessly. In every scream or grunt or cry she heard from these henchmen, she grew stronger, taking pleasure in their pain.

Her vision misted with red, and she vaguely registered the dull throbbing from the hits she was taking.

Her ribs were screaming as she pushed herself beyond her limits, and her leg stung where it bled from a lucky nick of a knife, but the pain was dulled by adrenaline.

By the time all the thugs were down, Steph was panting heavily as she wiped the blood from her nose. She wheeled around to where Sionis was, spitting the iron taste from her mouth.

She stalked toward him like a wolf closing in on its prey, and for the first time, she saw a flash of fear lighting up his eyes. It made her lips hook up into a mirthless smile that never reached her eyes.

"And now, you pay," she growled, lifting her staff with aching arms. "For everything."

His lip curled in disdain and he lifted his chin. "I don't think so, Batgirl."

He fired off a shot at her, and at these close quarters, she had no choice but to drop to the ground. Despite her incredibly quick recovery, by the time she was back on her feet, Sionis had climbed onto a motorcycle driven by another of his minions and was tearing down the street.

Rage poured through her and she threw the staff onto the ground with a violent crash.

"No!" She shrieked, fury pumping through her. "No, you fucking _son of bitch_!"

She broke into a sprint even though she knew it was hopeless, her tired legs burning as she bolted down the street. Nothing existed in her mind except for making Sionis pay for the pain he had dealt. Making him scream until he couldn't breathe, like she did. Making him beg for mercy under her cruel blade.

Steph crashed straight into Jason's chest as she rounded the corner, and she struggled against his grip, which anchored her to this place.

"Let go!" She screamed, thrashing around. "I have to get him! He's getting away, Jason, I swear to fucking god-!"

Jason just held on tighter. "He's gone, Steph. You know as well as I do that he's probably already halfway to his fortress already. Next time, okay?"

The fight drained from her, and she wilted in his grip. Her cheeks were hot with tears, though she had no memory of when she started crying. She sobbed until she ran out of air, feeling like nothing could communicate the sheer pain rolling off her in waves. She couldn't scream loud enough to relieve this great weight pressing on her chest.

"I got you, Steph," Jason murmured, holding her and rubbing her back. "I got you. It's alright, okay? We'll get him next time. We'll get him next time."

Gradually her sobs were reduced to hiccups, and she wiped her face with the back of her gloved hand.

"There you go," Jason smiled down at her. "Walk it off, champ. You did good today. Let's head home."

Steph sniffled and released him, bending down to pick her staff up off the ground.

"Let's go home," she agreed in a croak, swallowing hard.

"Attagirl," Jason grinned, slipping an arm around her shoulders. Steph took a deep, steadying breath and then smiled up at him, thanking god for giving her such an amazing boyfriend.

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.

.

Steph struggled in the bonds, cursing herself for getting into this situation. God, she had been so stupid!

Mr. Zsasz meandered closer, light glinting off of his razor sharp smile and the dancing blade in his hands. As he neared, she could see every raised scar on his skin, keeping track of his kills. How depressing it was to know she would be reduced to nothing but another scar amongst hundreds in his skin.

Was this her destiny? Another nameless kill by the villain, Mr. Zsasz?

She struggled harder, vowing not to die by the hand of this mad man. If she was going out, she wanted to go out big. But not here, not alone. Not in an abandoned warehouse where no one would hear her scream or ever find her remains. She would not rot in this filthy pit.

"Easy, Chickadee," Zsasz drawled in his stone-hewn voice. It scraped like gravel on gravel, and sent a shiver traversing down her spine.

"Eat shit, you sonuvabitch," Steph snapped back venomously.

There was a blur of movement, and she blinked hard, realizing only after a couple seconds that he had slapped her clean across the face with brutal strength. All at once, heat rushed to her cheek, forming what she was sure was a blazing red handprint across her pale skin. Her face burned with blood rush and humiliation and she clenched her jaw.

"Not so talkative now, are you, Chickadee?" He asked, laughing.

Steph shook in the bonds, muscles twitching with the overpowering desire to rip his nasty tongue out of his mouth. But the ropes held true and she could do nothing but watch him laugh.

"Hm, but you are a pretty one, aren't you?" Zsasz mused, ambling even closer. He smelled of rotting flesh and infected wounds. That, and an unwashed body, causing her nose to wrinkle involuntarily and her gag reflex to trigger a muffled choking sound in the back of her throat.

Steph jerked away from his touch, shuddering in pure unadulterated disgust as he ran one dirty finger tip down her face the length of her neck.

"Don't touch me," she whispered, gagging again as he leaned forward to smell her hair.

Zsasz only seemed to take pleasure in her repulsion, and he chuckled lowly.

"I'll touch you when I please, Chickadee. After all," he breathed, lips brushing her ear. "You aren't in much of a position to argue, are you?"

Steph suddenly turned and bit down hard on his ear, yanking it savagely away from the rest of his skull and causing it to rip. The horrific tearing sound it made caused her stomach to turn, but it was nothing compared to the knowledge that she had a human ear in her mouth. Quickly, she let go of it, recoiling at the taste.

Zsasz looked absolutely murderous now, one hand clamped over his partially-ripped ear, which was pouring blood down the side of his neck.

"You little bitch!" He shouted. "You'll pay for this, I swear!"

He grabbed a fistful of her sunshine locks and pulled hard. Steph screamed, her head snapping back with the movement. Luckily, Zsasz seemed to think taking care of his own wound was more important, because with that warning, he stalked off to go patch himself up.

Steph breathed heavily, the back of her head feeling like it was on fire.

Shaking out her hair in an attempt to relieve the burning sensation, she used a finger to press a button on the wrist of her glove. A tiny blade unfolded from the index finger of her right glove, no bigger than a paper clip, and she began to slowly saw through the thick ropes.

Steph could hear the sound of water sloshing outside, so she wagered they were near the harbor. Unfortunately for her, that meant the rope was the kind used on old boats, and incredibly thick. Cursing under her breath, she sawed faster, hoping Zsasz wouldn't come back.

But she was never that lucky, was she? Zsasz was stomping over before she was even halfway through the thick rope, a length of gauze wrapped around his head.

"You think you're so clever and strong, dontcha, Chickadee?" Zsasz sneered. "Well, you're not. You're nothing! You're a filthy dirty whore and that all you'll ever be."

He began to unbuckle his belt, and her understanding caused her to thrash in her bonds.

"No, no, no!" She shouted. "Jason! Jason!"

No one responded, and Zsasz laughed harshly.

"No one can hear you scream, Chickadee. Except for me, and believe me, I like it," he leered, taking another slow whiff of her hair.

The belt was on the floor, and he brandished his knife. Steph froze as it approached her throat and tried not to panic. Instead of cutting her throat, he simply sliced through the material of her uniform, cutting the fabric away from her throat and to the top of her breasts.

Her chest heaved with her panicked breaths, and she tried to stay calm.

Zsasz grabbed her face roughly. His disgusting mouth was all over her jaw and neck, leaving trails of slobber, and Steph began to cry, sawing faster and faster through the ropes with her tiny blade.

Her range of motion was extremely limited, and her hands were shaking so bad it was harder to cut any faster.

"Jason!" she shrieked as loud as she could. "Jason, please help! I'm down here! Please! Anyone!"

Zsasz had moved down her neck to her collarbone and was getting dangerously close to her her chest.

"Jason!" She tried one last time, voice cracking with strain and fear.

Finally, her prayers were answered as Jason came crashing through the window.

He surveyed the scene, and instantly fire roared to life in his teal eyes. She had never been more grateful to see those eyes in her entire life.

Steph finished sawing through the ropes and freed herself to punch Zsasz in the jaw. He went sprawling backwards, and she sank to the ground, holding the cut fabric of her uniform over her bare chest.

Jason was here now, and everything was going to be okay.

She knew this to be true, but all she could do was sob on the floor as Jason took care of it. God, her skin still crawled with the phantom feel of his mouth on her skin, and she squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as possible.

"Oh god," she whispered under her breath. She had nearly just gotten raped. Not even Sionis had gone that far, not the entire time she had been with him. "Oh my god, oh my god, _oh my god_."

Her chest heaved with panic as tears coursed down her cheeks. "Oh my god, oh my god."

Her vision tunneled, and stars appeared in the corners. She tried to control her breathing, but she was full on hyperventilating now, and she couldn't stop it.

"Oh my god," she sobbed, rocking back and forth. "Oh god, oh Christ."

Several loud gunshots were heard, and Steph's head snapped up to see Zsasz's broken body spasm over and over with the force of Jason's shots.

Seeing the blood reminded her that she had almost _ripped an ear off with her teeth_ , and she began to cry even harder.

"Oh my god," she wailed, gasping breaths taking over her words.

Steph literally could not get enough air into her lungs, and she clutched her chest with the effort of holding on.

Suddenly a large presence was crouched around her, and she lurched back.

"Please don't touch me,"she whimpered, unable to picture anyone but Zsasz.

"It's me, Steph. It's Jason," came a soft low voice.

Her hyperventilation slowed just a little, and she gulped once or twice. "J-Jason?"

"Yeah, yeah it's me. I'm here to help. I won't hurt you, and I won't touch you unless you want me to," he murmured in a soothing voice. "Shit, what did that fucktruck do to you?"

Steph knew he could probably see the fading remnants of the hand print across her face and the ripped uniform and the hickeys across the creamy column of her throat and was sure she would not have to explain.

Instead she reached out and clutched tightly to him, trying to steady her breathing.

"In for four, hold for seven, release for eight," Jason narrated calmingly. "Take it in easy now. In for four. Hold. And out. In. Hold. Out."

Under his instruction, Steph was finally able to control her breathing.

"He- he tried to-," the words wouldn't come out, but Jason didn't need to hear to understand.

"I know, I know," he mumbled, holding tightly to her and rocking her gently. "I wish I had been here sooner, I'm sorry."

Steph could only cry softly into his shoulder and try to forget Zsasz's mouth on her skin.

But she was alive and Jason was here and Zsasz was dead. Things would be okay, in time.

For now, all Steph could do was cling to Jason and breathe as deeply as she could.

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.

.

 _"No!"_

The shout was leaving Jason's mouth before he even saw Steph hit the ground, and he fired off more shots than necessary at the man who had gotten her. His face was twisted with pain as he collapsed to the ground, and Jason felt a perverse triumph.

Then he remembered what had happened and rushed over to Steph.

Steph was lying horrifically still, slumped over like a puppet with its strings cut, her eyes wide and her limbs limp.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jason muttered under his breath, rolling her over so he could see the bullet wound.

Blood was blooming quickly across the textured purple fabric, and Jason's knuckles whitened as he fisted the edges of her cape.

"Ow," Steph made out weakly, her face scrunching. "That burns a bit."

"You're fine, Blondie. You're going to be fine, it's not bad," Jason growled out, searching through his belt for gauze. "You're barely bleeding."

"Liar," she coughed out, her hands going to rest over the wound. "We both know this is bad. Face it, Jay. It's too late."

"No!" He bellowed, pulling out a length of gauze and balling it up. He pressed it to her stomach and began stopping up blood desperately. "No, you're fine. Doc Thompkins can fix ya right up, you're going to be fine."

Steph laughed a little, her lips stretching into a pained smile. "It's okay, Jay. I can barely feel it anymore."

"Now who's the liar," Jason forced out, feeling the familiarly awful sensation of tears rushing into his eyes. His nose prickled sharply, and he blinked once or twice to clear his blurry vision.

"Don't worry about me, Jay," Steph sighed softly. "This is the way I wanted to go out. On the field, protecting someone I loved."

"I'm not done loving you yet, damnit," he snapped through gritted teeth. "This isn't fair!"

"What's fair?" Steph commented with some amusement despite the pain flaring in her eyes. "I've never known it."

Jason pressed down hard on her wound with his makeshift sponge, and she hissed a little. Instantly he eased up, though he never relented in the steady pressure.

Steph began to cough once more, and a trickle of blood snaked down the corner of her mouth. The racking coughs didn't cease and Jason gripped her shoulder.

"Don't die on me now, Stephanie, don't you dare!" He warned sharply, tears beginning to seep through his lashes.

"'Fraid I don't have much control over that, Jason," Steph wheezed once she caught her breath. "I'm out of time."

"Shut up! Don't talk that way, you're going to be fine!" Jason snarled. His motions grew increasingly frenzied, and he tried to convince himself his own words were true, but his shaking hands were a dead giveaway.

"Liar," she remarked in a sing-song voice, despite the light fading fast from her eyes.

"Shut up," Jason mumbled, swiping angrily at the tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "I said not to talk like that."

Steph clenched her teeth and sucked in a breath. "God, that hurts like a bitch."

A desperate sob tumbled from his lips, and he pressed his lips together to stifle the sound. "I'm not losing you, Steph. I can't."

"Don't cry," she said softly, reaching up to catch a tear with the pad of her thumb. Her hand lingered at his cheek, and he leaned into it, feeling like the world was shattering.

"Steph, please," he said shakily, pulling her head into his lap. His hands instinctively went to stroking her curtain of silver-blonde hair.

She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes in pleasure.

"I love you," she breathed.

"You can't-,"

"Please just say it," she pleaded, sky-blue eyes sorrowful and large.

Jason's face crumpled for just a moment, and then he pulled himself together.

"Love you too," he replied, swallowing another sob.

A light, peaceful smile rose to Steph's lips and froze there.

There was a pause and then Jason jostled her a little. "Stephanie?"

She did not reply, and her eyes stared blankly up at him, still bright with bittersweet sadness.

"Stephanie!" He shouted, shaking her shoulders. His voice escalated to a roar, and tears began dripping freely down his cheeks. "No! _No_! Fuck!"

Jason's words devolved into wordless cries, and he pressed his face into her hair, praying she'd stir in his lap.

But that slight smile never left her motionless lips and nothing Jason could do would bring her back.

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 **Yeah, it was a little sloppy but there is nowhere near enough ff for this ship, so I just thought I'd whip up a little something. Leave a review and make my day!**


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